


Feel What I Feel

by diamondforger



Series: Kinktober 2019 [10]
Category: Kamen Rider Ex-Aid
Genre: Angst, Dubious Consent due to the nature of Emu/Parad's situation, Empathic Bond, M/M, Soul Bond
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-10-10
Updated: 2019-10-10
Packaged: 2020-12-07 18:57:14
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,665
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20980766
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/diamondforger/pseuds/diamondforger
Summary: Parad and Emu share a heart, so it only makes sense that Parad could always feel Emu's emotions.  However, he's never known whether the experience was mutual.





	Feel What I Feel

**Author's Note:**

> Kinktober Day 10: Bonds (Telepathic or Empathic)

Parad had grown used to his feelings not being his own all of the time. It was hard at first, sitting around playing games only to be struck by boundless joy for no reason. Or talking with Graphite only to feel his heart tearing in two and tears filling his eyes.

His heart and Emu’s were one and the same, but it seemed Emu’s heart was bigger than his. At least it was more extreme. Emu's highs were intoxicating and his lows were devastating. At first it had been overwhelming, Parad had just shut down when the feelings got too strong, but eventually he learned. He learned how to plaster a smile on his face when sadness shook his very core and how to shove away laughter when he needed to be calm.

He wondered if Emu ever felt his emotions. Emu rarely angered despite Parad frequently falling into deep rages. Maybe Emu really did have the bigger part of their heart or maybe Bugster emotions just weren’t potent enough to reach back across the chasm between them. The thought made him feel small and lonely.

There were times he wanted to follow Emu. To stalk the hospital and stew in his worst emotions just to see if Emu reacted. But that was a risky proposition. Getting caught wasn’t in the game plan, so he restrained himself. He only saw what Emu did when he was called, dragged into the human’s eyes to play and win a game for him.

He restrained himself from reaching out to Emu even as the good emotions started to feel weaker and the dark swings of sadness grew more frequent. He dove into games more and more hoping to stave off the sharp pangs of sadness that frayed the edge of his mind.

So they continued their dance. Allies and enemies fell and rose and fell again, but little changed between their twin hearts. 

At least until a certain bike decided to realign himself with the Riders. At first it was a relief, Emu was less sad. But then there was another feeling. It was different than anything Parad remembered experiencing before. The feeling always came below his stomach hot and insistent. It made his skin crawl and his mind go fuzzy.

It was pleasant, and he wanted more. He wanted to feel whatever it was for himself, not some watered down version from his other half. 

And one day he got the chance. He was idling around, playing games again when the feeling started to build, heat sliding through his body. But there was another feeling accompanying it: the all too familiar feeling of being pulled into Emu’s head.

Parad closed his eyes and let his body dissolve and his mind leave the warehouse. When his eyes opened, he was Emu, sitting in Emu’s apartment, holding Emu’s game controller. It’d happened hundreds of time before but Parad always enjoyed it. He liked feeling human, it was messy and new and so much more interesting than his normal existence.

Something was different this time though. His control of Emu’s hands was unsteady and his breath was shaky. And the heat in his stomach was much more intense. Parad was loathe to focus on anything other than the game in front of his face when he was Emu’s body, for fear it would tip off Emu as to what was really happening. But…

A hot jolt of pleasure shot up his spine and his hands jerked, almost dropping the controller. He looked down and very suddenly realized what was happening. Lazer was between Emu’s legs, mouth wrapped around his cock.

“What the fuck?” Parad shouted, one hand dropping down to Lazer’s hair. It was thick and soft in his hand. Parad didn’t have many opportunities to feel things though Emu’s hands, but he always marveled at how sensitive they were. Lazer’s hair was especially nice to feel against Emu’s fingers.

“Giving up already?” Lazer looked up, eyes dark and mischievous.

A jolt went through Parad’s chest, or maybe it was Emu’s chest. He wasn’t sure where the line between them was now. He that knew Emu still had some amount of control, enough to control the way they talked. “Not a chance,” Emu said grinning, "I always win."

Parad was starting to put the situation together. Lazer had issued a challenge and Parad didn’t back down from challenges. He focused back on the game and did his best to ignore the heat between his legs. It was difficult, but Parad didn’t lose. He shut off everything focusing only on the screen in front of him.

He approached the end of the level, much slower than he’d hoped because his hands wouldn’t stay still. Heat was quickly building up in Emu’s body and Parad’s vision was shaking as noises tumbled out of his mouth. 

This was part of the challenge, who would finish their goal first. Parad continued pushing the heat and pleasure farther down refusing to give into Lazer’s warm mouth and his skilled tongue. By the time he approached the final checkpoint he and Emu were a sweaty shaking mess.

It was so much and he was so close. He hit the checkpoint and heat started to fill his system. He dropped the controller and…

Parad opened his eyes to see the ceiling of his room. The heat still pooled in his stomach but being back in his own body he was suddenly very aware of how dull in was in comparison. For the first time he could remember, he felt distinctly unsatisfied.

But at least now he knew what the new feeling was. It was a blessing and a curse to know exactly when Emu and Lazer were hooking up in the middle of the day or feeling exactly how late into the night they went. Well, the only blessing was really that the feeling was good. It was one of the best feelings Parad had ever felt even if it was dull. It was just warm, nice, and relaxing.

At times he wanted to try it for himself. In part because the one time he’d felt it in Emu’s body it’d been so intense. But he also wondered if Emu would feel it when he touched himself. Maybe that level of feeling would be enough to send those feelings back. But even if it worked how would he know? And it failing would only serve to prove that he could never reach Emu. 

Time passed and the game continued. Emu learned who they were and that they were connected. Parad wondered if he remembered that night with Lazer. He wondered if his explanation was enough to make Emu understand how connected they were. He wondered if Emu could feel his worries.

Even as Parad died, he wondered about it. He stared into the face of the man who shared his soul and his heart and didn’t see his own pain reflected back. He died knowing he was alone.

And then he was born again. The coldness and pain of death had been enough to terrify him, but Emu’s coldness scared him more. The heart that had filled his days with intense emotions was walled off from him.

He’d broken hoping that if his emotions couldn’t be transferred through their bond then they could be communicated through his screams and his tears. It worked. He wasn’t sure what part had worked, but Emu accepted him.

And with acceptance came even stronger emotions. Parad could feel when Emu was hungry or chilly. He knew when Emu had nightmares even while his human was still asleep. He could tell exactly who Emu was talking to just by how happy or annoyed he was. 

He still didn’t know if the exchange was mutual. 

He didn’t know how to ask. He didn’t know how much Emu knew. If he didn't know, would telling him freak him out? He'd learned humans appreciated privacy. If Emu didn't know he might panic. He might reject Parad for real this time. 

But the longer it went the harder it was to ignore. Parad figured if Emu could feel his emotions he would have said something. If his fear and insecurity wasn’t enough to make Emu feel something than what would?

But there was one last experiment Parad wanted to run. Not the most mature of experiments, but maturity had never been one of Parad’s strengths. And he figured, what did he have to lose?

Parad waited until he could feel Emu fill with irritation tinged with stubborn fondness. He was talking to Taddle Fantasy. Parad could tell they were both in the CR. He wasn’t sure how he knew, but he knew. 

Settling in an empty room of the hospital, Parad started touching himself. He’d never done it before, but he knew how to do it instinctively. The warmth was a thousand times stronger than than he'd ever felt from Emu, but still different than it’d had felt that one night. Even thinking about that night sent sparks of heat through his body. 

Lost in the memory he almost forgot what he was doing this for. Who he was doing it for. A smack of embarrassment coursed through his body and Parad stopped. He could feel Emu sharply, feel that Emu was feeling oddly warm and very embarrassed. 

The realization shocked Parad out of what he was doing. His hands fell still as Emu's feelings smoothed out again, alarm still nagging at the edges. But Parad had barely noticed that. All he felt was elation. The fears that had been building up in him for months had been answered so easily. 

Somewhere in the back of his mind he could feel confusion. Emu was feeling his joy and didn't understand it. And that was fantastic. 

Parad smiled to himself feeling his and Emu's emotions weaving into each other finally feeling them mesh like a dance back and forth. He was going to have so much fun. 


End file.
